During my childhood, I heard rumors of cannibalism near where we lived. My parents kept my sister and me by their side when they headed into the highlands of Papua New Guinea in the early 1980s. The missionaries before us reassured my parents that it had been almost a decade since that was an acceptable practice among villagers. I guess when we went, cannibalism was frowned upon? I remember stepping into several villages and many children had never seen white people or straight hair.
My parents sold everything in America to obey the voice of God and took their family overseas for nearly four years. I saw miracle after miracle and villagers hearing the gospel for the first time. I witnessed my parent’s faith in Jesus help begin a Bible School that is still there today, nearly 40 years later. One of the greatest tragedies in the Bible is when Moses saw the miracles of God deliver Egypt from fear and slavery and his children were nowhere. He didn’t gather his children near until he was safe in the desert. His children missed seeing the power of God, the faith of their father, and the parting of the red sea. His children could have led the charge into the promised land. They did not.
If you are a Christian parent, God will give you opportunity after opportunity to walk in faith and not fear. Some moments and miracles are greater than others. You will need to be intentional to have them by your side. Children are watching our faith actions towards Jesus, in how we respond to trials because that speaks louder than our faith speeches or social-media posts. You may be going through a trial right now, hesitant to share the good news out of fear of death from the Corona-virus. Ask the Lord openly, in your own living room and before your children, for faith and miracles. You can train them that fear is not uncommon for even adult parents. However, we choose not to worship fear or be entertained by fear. Show them we can exchange our fear and our burdens for rest from Jesus.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
ALERT: This topic series is written to encourage the reader who has committed to one spouse and yet divorce is all around them. Divorce impacted my teen years in a Christian home. My wife and I were on the brink of the same pattern of divorce as my parents. A revelation of grace healed our marriage. If you had the coronavirus and were given a shot to heal the virus and it worked, you would want everyone to have the shot. Grace was the answer to our marriage and we can’t stop sharing it to those who will listen. If you are divorced or remarried, we don’t want to bring shame or judgment. Rather, our heart is to support current marriages. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 12:1).
This question is a difficult topic that may not be asked or answered openly among believers. We believe that where the enemy has stolen and hurt the most in our life is where we often have great faith, power, and authority to speak truth and healing. Some of the most loving husbands and fathers that I have met come from a divorced family. We refuse to ignore the statistics that fathers are needed and when Godly fathers are in the home as God intended, children are blessed.
The question is this, “Can children of divorce be okay?” The damage that divorce does impacts each child individually differently with different variables. If you are a Christian considering a divorce then you probably have already asked yourself these questions and even I had to ask myself over ten years ago.
Men: “Am I prepared to sell my God-given authority over my children?” (Dads and moms can sell their God-given family inheritance with bitterness/sexual immorality-Hebrews 12:14-17). For more on this topic click here: The Root of Bitterness Hides The Fruit Grace Provided
Women: “Am I prepared to teach my children that God only loves those who love us and forgives those who forgave us?” (Moms and dads can prepare the hearts of a child and be a reflection of God’s love and forgiveness to receive the gospel.) For more on this topic click here: Is Gossip Just as Destructive As Pornography?
Men: “Am I prepared to have another father’s values helping raise my children?” (Step-dads can be life-giving or life-taking in their words and actions.) For more on this topic click here: Jumping Ship or Taking Territory?
Women: “Am I prepared to have another mother’s values helping raise my children?” (Step-moms can be life-giving or life-taking in their words and actions.) For more on this topic click here:Raising Kids to Value Family.
So to answer the question, “Can children of divorce be okay?” I would like to answer with scripture.
Proverbs 22:6
6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
There are good mental strongholds in our life and bad mental strongholds. When we train up children in a family of divorce we are unconsciously training their minds to “divorce” when trials get tough. We all have seen good Christian men and women come from broken families that cannot keep a job or friends because they are unhappy. The majority of the time, when trials happen, they run. Why? They have been trained by their fathers (and mothers) to have a victim mentality in life. Not taking responsibility but running from it. Divorce is not the only thing that trains children in this but the major topic of this blog.
So now we have children who are grown men and women repeating the same patterns as their parents. The answer to the question is that divorce can bring terrible mental strongholds and lifestyle patterns into children. Divorce has consequences as do car wrecks and believers in the local church are doing their best to bring healing to all involved. All hope is not lost when turning to Jesus. Some Christians might say, “well Jesus can heal them.” This is a very true statement. Jesus can raise children from the dead yet we would never suggest people murder children and not believe there was a mental impact. There is a negative mental impact among Christian homes when parents divorce.
Next week’s question…..”Should we remain close with those who refuse to repent and continue a lifestyle of sexual immorality?
Find a child that is not generous financially and you will often find a parent that struggles with trusting God with money. Marriage and parenting will often open our eyes to the motives of those closest to us. When trust with money is broken with a child or spouse, love should never be withheld. A child or spouse will need to earn that relational trust back. Why? Relational trust is a currency like money. It is to be stewarded. Love is a supply and fruit from the Holy Spirit, trust is a relational currency. Spouses that cannot be honest with their money to each other are motivated by fear and have broken relational trust. A child that cannot trust God with their money often has been trained by fear by their parents. How do we break the cycle in our home?
At an early age, I was taught that God loved me and would take care of my finances. I remember in children’s church bringing my offering (usually change) with joy and confidence. Somewhere along the road, religion told me that yes God loves me but the cross was not enough to free me from curses. That my giving of money was more powerful than the protection of the cross.
The joy that I once had to give as a child became fear that I wasn’t doing enough. When trials came and I was only giving ten percent, I had heard my sins were the reason God was not blessing me. When I had no income and sickness caused us debt, I had heard my lack of giving was the reason I was cursed. The enemy had robbed me of joy, brought sickness into my life and my faith was in my performance.
When faith is in our performance we rob the cross of the power in Jesus Christ. Does that mean we never give any money to the Lord? Ten percent is a practical and wonderful place to begin to steward the trust of God’s money that He has given. Ten percent does not replace the power and performance of Jesus Christ. We have been given responsibility for the kingdom of God on the earth. It takes faith to steward His kingdom. Does that mean if we run from responsibility God will not love us? Remember this, unconditional love is free! Because God is love. There was a deep price paid for the gift of righteousness and eternal life. It takes faith to receive. Some people say this is not grace!
John 3:16
For God so loved (unconditional love) the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him (relational condition) will not perish but have everlasting life.
Universalism says everyone has eternal life (this is wrong and demonic!) Religion says God withholds love from sinners and saints (this is wrong and demonic!). Fear says we can lose our salvation with our performance (this is wrong and demonic!) Grace says, “All my promises are yes and Amen in Christ Jesus (not your performance) receive it by faith in His performance!” Wait, we have to have faith in Jesus to have eternal life? Yes!!
Can we trust God with our finances that He is generous to us because of the performance of Jesus Christ? Yes!!! Can He relationally trust us with His kingdom to steward it by faith? We are growing!
Colossians 2:7
Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.
ALERT: This topic series is written to encourage the reader who has committed to one spouse and yet divorce is all around them. Divorce impacted my teen years in a Christian home. My wife and I were on the brink of the same pattern of divorce as my parents. A revelation of grace healed our marriage. If you had the coronavirus and were given a shot to heal the virus and it worked, you would want everyone to have the shot. Grace was the answer to our marriage and we can’t stop sharing it to those who will listen. If you are divorced or remarried, we don’t want to bring shame or judgment. Rather, our heart is to support current marriages. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 12:1).
Recently, my wife and I heard on the radio from a well-known Christian speaker that “Divorce is contagious”. We knew in our spirit this wasn’t sitting well, but our mind began to ponder the experience of our friends who have gone through a divorce. Some of our friends committed adultery, some said they were going through a mid-life crisis, some said there was emotional abuse and some were just overwhelmed with life. Very few of our friends reached out and admitted they were having problems until after the decision to divorce. We witnessed waves of divorce going through a couple of local churches dear to our hearts. These were church-going believers who we knew to be lovers of Jesus and had even invested their time into us.
What some people don’t know is behind closed doors we fasted and prayed with friends, once we were told about their struggles. Grace saved our marriage more than ten years ago and we desperately wanted to see their’s healed as well. We wept and mourned and felt as if we lost a loved one to death. With some, there was no funeral or warning and we were not invited to stand beside or mourn with them through the process. We began to ask the Lord some difficult life questions, “Are we a safe place that people can open up to about marriage struggles?” “Should we remain close with those who refuse to repent and continue a lifestyle of sexual immorality?” “Will their children be okay after divorce?” “Is there a common denominator for divorce?” And finally, “Is divorce really contagious?”.
In this (part one) blog I look to the question, “Is divorce really contagious?” and what we have experienced with God’s living word in 22 years of marriage.
1 Corinthians 15:33-34(NKJV)
33 Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” 34 Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.
Some will point to this verse to say “see, divorce is contagious!” Notice deception comes to the battleground of our mind when we are not awake to righteousness. If the Apostle Paul (champion of grace) shares to the early church that some can be awake to righteousness then some believers can also be asleep to righteousness. What does that mean? Paul is sharing that to overcome sin is to be awake to His righteousness. He is not telling them to be awake to self-righteousness, in fact, that is actually being asleep. Again, take a look at how to reign in your marriage, according to Paul:
Romans 5:17(NKJV)
17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.
“Don’t you mean we reign in the after-life once we get to heaven, Paul?” According to God’s word, we can receive the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness and this is the power to reign in this life! The church will agree that sin reigned through Adam in this life? How much more should the church fight for the teaching of the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness. So do you want to reign in your marriage when everyone around you is divorcing? Receive the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness. We don’t have to walk around in fear that our marriage will end up in divorce or that divorce is contagious. No, we have the antidote of grace for the virus of self-righteousness!
Self-righteousness keeps score and is self-centered, the world calls it narcissism, and those who look for it in others will find what they are looking for. The good news is when we look for Christ and His righteousness in other believers, we find that every time! The gift of His righteousness says we can’t earn His love or make payments and is always Christ-centered. As believers in Jesus, our right standing with God is immovable based on the finished work of Jesus. We can awaken our minds to His righteousness or stay asleep in our minds to our righteousness and how other people are doing in their score. When God healed our marriage, He gave us a revelation of our identity in His righteousness and grace. The Lord showed me my spouse is also righteous, regardless of her performance or behavior. We can’t give grace away in our marriage unless we have received it ourselves and become awake to His righteousness. This is why every Sunday we remind believers at church they are righteous because of the blood of Jesus. They are no longer sinners, but saints. The power to reign over sin is to receive an abundance of grace and the free gift of His righteousness.
So let’s go back to the question, “Is divorce contagious?” Let me answer this way, divorce is a symptom like fever is to the corona-virus. The “virus” in marriage is self-righteousness. This “virus” was the greatest enemy to Jesus when He came to the earth. Self-righteousness is contagious today for those who are asleep in their minds to His righteousness. The good news is there is an anecdote, the answer is grace!
The most joyful people I have met are believers that are great at showing people Jesus. Some believers have never experienced this joy and others experience it daily. Our vision as a church is to equip disciples of Jesus to receive, give and serve in grace. Giving is not only financial and includes giving your testimony to others about the power and love of Jesus! Freely you have received, freely give.
Why is your testimony so powerful? It’s how we overcome the evil one (the accuser). By the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony. Notice it doesn’t say your pastor’s testimony or your favorite teacher’s.
Revelation 10:10-11
10 And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. 11 And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.
So the question I would like to answer is this, “How do we simply share our testimony and get results?” Here are 3 practical tips to win more people to Jesus.
Be a good listener. I purposely put the cartoon of Garfield above because so many people want to share the good news but are terrible at listening. God has called us to be fishers of men. Listening opens the heart of the unbeliever to return the favor of listening.
James 1:19
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
2. Practice your testimony. Ever felt like you stumble over your words, I certainly have before. We feel more confident and we are more precise when we have repeated a statement or story. Preparation prepares the atmosphere for the Holy Spirit to impact people’s hearts.
1 Peter 3:15
…..And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always BE READY to explain it. 16 But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear.
3. Don’t be long-winded and get to the point. In the verse above Peter says to share in a gentle and respectful way. So respect the person’s time and be gentle. When we see people yelling on the corner with signs about the anger of God, we know in our hearts this is not impacting anyone to receive the love of Jesus.
Ecclesiastes 5:3
Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool.
My prayer is this week you experience the joy of witnessing and planting seeds. You may not always see the results right away but trust that the Holy Spirit may send others to water and God always does the growing (1 Corinthians 3:5-8)!
brandonpollard 