Why Even Date If You Are Married ?

Posted: August 25, 2022 in Uncategorized

If you have been married a while, the biggest challenge is finding time to date and feel like you are not neglecting your children. Some of us had childhoods that our parents never dated. Others saw their mom and dad have a life more than kids sports and school activities. Whatever you grew up with, you may have repeated from your parents whether intentionally or naturally. As married couples, we all know it’s good to date but if we opened our calendar for last year and saw the amount of time invested in our children versus the amount invested in our marriage, it might be a little lopsided. There may never be balance with the time spent on kids, especially when they outnumber you as a couple. There can be a priority in the family for your marriage. The priority of marriage can begin with weekly dating.

Remember that story of little Johnny growing up with a mom and dad that dated all the time. Then once he was all grown up, as a young man, he found himself laying on a couch in tears, with the psychologist sitting next to him. With a notepad in his hand, the psychologist was busy jotting down thoughts and asked the question, “What was your childhood like?” “Well”, Johnny didn’t have to think long,……..”My dad loved my mom way too much, they were always dating.”

If you don’t remember hearing that story of little Johnny having a mental breakdown, it may be because kids will never regret their parents loving and dating each other, period! Yet, why do we feel so guilty leaving them home? Especially when they are so little. The majority of children, when little, only want their way and they selfishly don’t think about their parent’s marriage 5 second from now, more less 5 years from now. We remember so many weekly dates, our kids crying and whining that mom and dad were going to have fun or take a vacation without them. They didn’t understand in the moment, why their parents couldn’t be at every sporting event, every musical, every school event. Our young children subconsciously believed the entire world and the entire family revolved around them. Now that they are grown, and experience us still going on dates and vacations alone, they are our biggest fans! It turns out, our children learned our family revolves around the marriage and now they look forward to being married one day themselves and starting a family.

Remember that story of little Johnny playing sports seven days a week with his family attending? When little Johnny left the home for college, his parents were left alone with each other having very little future plans to laugh and dream about together. Johnny’s parents drifted apart relationally way before the kid left. Many marriages don’t make it very long having their family revolve around the children without divorce or being miserable together. So why is dating so hard? Because the children have to be prioritized after the marriage.

For many young married men, there are so many things pulling for our attention, it’s difficult to prioritize our life until there’s an emergency. In the workplace, men are often trained to respond and service the client’s emergencies and then when we get home, we are handed the kids, handed the dishes, and handed the bills. So no emergency, no planning for date night with their wife. All men have a “do nothing” box in their brain and when there is no emergency, we like to spend a lot of time there. If it is even possible, we love to include our children in the “do nothing” box. This is why men love to revolve kids around sports, tv, vacation, etc..

For women, there is no greater sacrifice than giving her entire body, nine months, for a baby. Where there is time, sacrifice, and effort there is always great love. Many times you will see a mom naturally lean towards her child even over her husband, feeling comforted by being a good mom. Many moms who work outside of the home, can feel guilty of not spending “quality time” with her children, so when she gets a day off or even a vacation, you better bet that little Johnny is desired for quality time and invited. If the marriage is neglected weekly, the child (subconsciously) understands the family revolves around him and repeats the process when he gets married, children first, marriage leftovers.

So dating once a week takes brain power, creativity, and intentionality, we’re talking about before the emergency. Dating involves leaving the kids at home with a babysitter, even leaving them home for a marriage vacation (don’t worry your kids will be better for it). Ladies, submitting to this kind of love from your husband on a weekly date for a marriage will be contrary to Hollywood or even other soccer moms screaming “put your kids first!” Husband offer your quality time and effort with an intentional heart on the date, asking questions like, “What dreams are the Lord giving you this week?” “How can I help those dreams?”

Ephesians 5:24-25

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 

Practical Weekly Date Ideas:

Hiking, Game Night, free concerts, open houses, test drive dream car, dancing to live music, walk the park, skate in the park, basketball, volleyball, ride bikes in the park, karaoke night, host a poker night, swim in the public pool or lake, set up a tent in your living room and makes s’mores.

Brandon Pollard

Feel free to visit our website at http://www.graceforeternity.com

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